St. Johns Wort Oil... my first foray into a new life...

Today I went out and collected St. John's Wort and finally made... started my first herbal oil.  But the story doesn't start there....

It starts with a garden- a large garden at a local non-profit that I was charged with last year (and by being charged with- I mean, I took charge of...) This year, with multiple successes last year, I was gung-ho and ready to take charge.  Plans changed.  I was presented with the things I didn't do (in all honesty they were not things that I was supposed to do- but got pinned to me in the end.)  "We are bringing someone else on to help you."  "Ok"  Well, despite my efforts, it did not go well.  I quit.

I was convinced (in a strange condescending way that tugged at my ego.), but I felt overwhemlingly it wasn't going to be good.  Gardens are supposed to be healing and supportive places.  Places where women and men can come to grow and learn.  This wasn't feeling like that- too many people- all women- who were vying for attention and top dog status.

In coming back, I promised myself that I would let go.  Let go of all the things that I couldn't get to.  Let go of all the combative emails about water or compost or equipment.  Let go of the politics inside the organization... and just focus on the plants, the volunteer gardeners and my relationship with them.  I would focus on where I wanted to go and what I wanted to learn.

So I went to a workshop.  A medicinal herb workshop- it was good, but I had actually learned all those things from our former head gardener and emeritus herbalist before.  Okay.  But what I also learned was I was interested in learning more about herbs and using them in medicinal and culinary ways.  I wanted to grow.

Then I started to look up herb conferences, peoples resumes, all sorts of information and I found myself getting stressed out.  I'm not a hippy sort (despite my college years), I have a shell.  I am mistrustful.  I don't want drum circles, chants, or red tent conversations.  I can't connect with other women. I don't have children (so I am less then a women), I don't want to talk about sex, menstruation, and what not.  I don't connect.  I can never be an herbalist.

Finally, I could get up.  All I wanted was to be productive in some way.  So I headed out the the fields.  I came across the St. John's Wort.  I tested it- based on what I knew from my teachings and positively identified it.  I had a jar in my car and proceeded to fill it.  I thanked every plant as I ripped the flowers and buds off.  I didn't harvest more then a third.  My hands were stained the tell-tale purple.  I got my jar.

Long story... but I have started my journey.  I used the knowledge that was shared with me.  I fought negative thoughts and deer-flys.  I became an herbalist today.

I will continue on this path- one of transformation.  One of healing.  One of creating.  This is my first jar of St. John's Wort.  And I want to remember this journey and story- so I can evolve and grow.

Much thanks,